


Make Me Feel

by det395



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Open Relationships, Polyamory, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 08:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17546237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/det395/pseuds/det395
Summary: Despite the jealousy and the guilt they often harbour, Dan and Phil consider polyamory.





	Make Me Feel

**Author's Note:**

> This story isn’t meant to argue against monogamy, just portray some evolving views of people who choose a polyamorous lifestyle. It is also not necessarily meant to promote jealousy or possessiveness, but explore how common and natural it is and how some poly individuals use jealousy in relationships. That being said, communication and healthy relationships are a priority in this story and everything done will be consensual.
> 
> If you want to learn stuff from people who know somethin I’d recommend the (aging but still good) Lesbian Polyamory Reader or you can watch some good videos by Stevie Boebi or Ari Fitz or Ash Hardell (feat. Stevie again) and sorry for the lack of gay male resources I just converted all my lesbian-centric knowledge and experience to project using Dan and Phil.
> 
> (I also don't have a posting schedule for this story and it may be delayed for a while, but the three parts I will be posting aren't necessarily continuous and can be read as separate encapsulated story snippets, if anyone worries about being left on a cliffhanger)

“The expectations and norms of modern relationships are heteronormative and heterosexist, I think. The goal of monogamy is framed around virginal expectations and some creepy fucking religious fertility thing and male ownership of women. People are supposed to meet new people until they find the ‘right person’ then get married and have three and a half children and die together but it’s obviously not working, do you know what divorce rates are like now?”

 

Dan pauses to shove a heaping spoonful of gnocchi pasta in his mouth and Phil waits silently. He can still understand Dan when he begins mumbling on while chewing with every word. He’s been with Dan long enough he could practically read his mind by now, he thinks.

 

“It’s one hundred percent a Western protestant-colonialist perspective and successful polyamory in history has been buried and now it’s only seen in subversive cultures—queer communities, for one—so it’s seen as deviant and wrong. Anyway.”

 

Dan pauses once more to sip at his wine. He’s barely eaten any of his food because of all these opinions flowing out of him. His voice is gentle and somehow educational and his eyebrows are now furrowed in a way Phil finds distractingly attractive. A sort of maturity is emanating off of him in the words Phil knows Dan has been thinking about for a while.

 

This isn’t their first conversation about such a subject, but it’s the first that isn’t just a daydream. This feels real. Phil fell asleep with his back to the dim light of Dan’s laptop nearly every night this week and now he knows why. 

 

It’s shocking to hear the desire and excitement in Dan’s voice. There’s a weird knot in Phil’s throat, making him eat almost as slow as Dan, forcing tiny bites of steak down.

 

“I think it’s very natural for people to be attracted to more than one person and possibly also love multiple people, don’t you think? There’s this thing, someone mentioned it in a YouTube video I saw, it’s called compersion and it’s where you feel joy for other people’s joy, so in terms of polyamory, it means you gain satisfaction from the love your partner is receiving. And, like, I’m so fucking jealous usually but I wish, you know? I talked about that in my session today again, how the root of my jealousy is definitely insecurity that you’re going to leave me for someone better but with enough internal reassurance during those bad thoughts, I can train myself out of it, right? Which is why I think this is good.” 

 

He pauses. “If we were to do it, you know.”

 

Phil looks past Dan’s head, watching for any glances or weird expressions at the tables surrounding. It’s not like any of these people would recognize them, but he doesn’t like the social embarrassment anyway. This is too personal for anyone else to hear but Dan’s voice sometimes rises to an alarming pitch without him seeming to notice.

 

The restaurant is fancy. It has a view of the city through tall windows and the entire place is in low red toned lighting that’s romantic and feels private in the night. Dan spends his money on designer clothes but Phil chooses nice restaurants to make him feel taken care of. The overpriced calamari and aioli bomba is worth it, really.

 

It’s also a perk that every person here is a middle-aged lawyer or politician who would never even understand Youtube. They’re practically invisible here and out on the streets along high-end districts.

 

Dan keeps talking when Phil doesn’t reply, just nods along.

 

“We both don’t have much experience, we’ve talked about this. Like, I had the teenage relationship thing but no sexual freedom ever and then you had the experimentation thing in uni but were never in love before me. Maybe it is the best idea since we obviously aren’t going to separate, but we also want to learn from other people and experience more.”

 

“Actually, I was in love before you. Sarah Michelle Gellar, of course.”

 

Dan gives him an exasperated look.

 

“Do you feel like we need to before we get married?” Phil asks.

 

“No, no. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s necessary, but I think it could help us grow stronger. I’ve read so many positive stories where people grow trust and gain even more passion and can last in a relationship because it’s based solely on love and not on possession, dependence and jealousy. And yeah, what we talked about before, I’m worried we are dependent sometimes. We’re never apart. I just want to be as healthy as possible, and y’know, we’re still young. It could be fun.”

 

Dan lowers his voice, thankfully. “We can try threesomes or exhibition. Anything really.”

 

Phil, admittedly, feels excited by that thought. It feels more like this is something they’re doing together, side by side. Or on top of each other, more like.

 

Dan studies Phil for a few moments. It feels vulnerable, like it always does when Phil doesn’t particularly want his emotions front and centre. Dan has a way of watching him like he can stare right through him. His face turns less determined and more calm, understanding.

 

“You’re quiet, what’s up?”

 

“Just thinking.”

 

“You know I don’t really care about this. It’s just an idea, but if either of us don’t want it, it’s not going to happen. I will happily take a life of serial monogamy with you. Really, it’s all I want. Just you,” Dan backtracks, leaning into his chair to watch Phil.

 

“It’s not like I don’t  _ not  _ want to do it.”

 

“Your double negatives never make sense, Phil.”

 

“I mean, don’t you think it could end badly?”

 

“I think, worse case, we just stop doing it, which, like, we probably would one day anyway when we get too lazy to leave our house.” Dan smiles.

 

“You’re not scared of one of us leaving?”

 

“I mean...yeah I’ll still be scared but it’s the whole point to get over that, right? Like, I know we’re forever.”

 

“Nothing is forever.”

 

“‘Til we’re old and rickety then. And when we resurrect, if we’re lucky.”

 

“That’s a fanfiction.”

 

“I’m trying to have an actual, serious conversation, you know.”

 

Phil pushes the salad around on his plate. It looks soggy and bland, it’s probably just a garnish but he doesn’t know what the point of that is. Is he supposed to eat it? Is this what he’s paying forty-five pounds for?

 

“Honestly, I need more time to think about it all. I never considered it seriously because I never thought you’d want to, not in a million years,” Phil says.

 

“What, because I get jealous?”

 

“That’s an understatement.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

“Okay, no, you’ve gotten better.”

 

“I liked it when that lobby receptionist hit on you that one time, remember?” Phil furrows his eyebrows for a second but then recalls the random hotel during tour.

 

“Oh, yeah, I guess.”

 

“And you have never really minded. It used to annoy me. Insecure little me was like why the fuck aren’t you possessive of me?”

 

Phil smiles at him, warm and sweet for the first time since their food came. 

 

He isn’t in a great mood, he can feel a pending headache and something isn’t clicking with him right. He’s not sure if he wants a change right now.

 

“We don’t have to do it. Really,” Dan repeats. “It was fun to research but I’m good to move on now.”

 

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

 

“Okay. I’m not trying to pressure you.”

 

Phil asks for his wine bottle to be packed up and gets through a little lava cake dessert and a coffee while Dan waits, mumbling on about other topics.

 

A waitress finally comes by and sets down their bill, making small talk for a few seconds first. She looks into Dan’s eyes, smiling wide, and Phil tries to imagine what it’d be like to see Dan kiss someone else. What would he feel like if this pretty young woman leaned in? He finds no strong reaction in himself from just his imagination other than a bit of embarrassment for thinking such a thing of this random person. He gulps back his water until she leaves.

 

-

 

Phil has a crush on one of their friends. He realized it months ago and it still hasn’t passed.

 

The guy was a mutual friend through some work thing but Phil’s pretty sure he’s just charming enough to be invited everywhere by anyone who talks to him for more than a few minutes.

 

Only his brother knows. It was a confession he had to get out to someone and yet he still covered it up with guilty excuses.

 

He doesn’t want to break up with Dan, if he thinks too hard about it his throat will swell up with the need to cry. He would never cheat—except for that little fuck up in university—but not on  _ Dan _ . It’s nothing but a little infatuation, probably not going to last for more than a few more days and no real feelings. 

 

“Why are you so guilty then?” Martyn asks, amusement on his face. 

 

“I mean, it would hurt Dan a lot and I don’t know if I should stop being Andre’s friend.”

 

“It’s literally so normal, Phil. Everyone gets random crushes. Even in long-term relationships. Have you never liked anyone else while you’ve been with Dan?” He looks bewildered at the thought.

 

“Not this deeply. Or for this long. And it’s usually a celebrity, or a superhero.”

 

“Honestly, I saw you guys as that couple who can talk about who you fancy just because you’re so solid.”

 

Phil pushes the conversation about becoming polyamorous away. They haven’t spoken about it since dinner and Phil doesn’t really want to. But he’d be lying if he didn’t mull it over with Andre in the front of his mind.

 

“No, he struggles with insecurities too much,” Phil says.

 

-

  
  


“Where would we even meet someone else?”

 

Dan seems to know what Phil is talking about despite his lack of context. Perhaps it’s still in the front of his mind.

 

He dries off some Tupperware and passes it to Phil to put away, a strange smirk pulling up his lip.

 

“Grindr, of course.”

 

Phil tilts his head and gives him an exasperated look.

 

“You wanna try Christian Mingle instead?”

 

“I say we get through 5 profiles before someone recognizes us and puts the screenshots on Twitter,” Phil says.

 

“You think I'm an idiot?  We just won’t put our faces. Talk to people and see if we trust them first. But no, I imagined we’d stick to friends and people we already know,” Dan says casually.

 

“ _Friends?_ ” Phil snorts a bit too loud. "What, you wanna call up Bryony and see if she wants to snog me?” 

 

“C’mon, some of the friends we know would. Like—”

 

“You’re crazy. Fully crazy.” 

 

“A lot of people are more open than you think.” 

 

“I’m just trying to be realistic. How would you know anyway?”

 

Dan gives him a side eye glance and pushes the dishwasher closed with more force than needed.

 

It feels weird to disagree about something. He’s not sure what Dan is thinking right now and it feels as close to a fight as they’ve had all year. It’s frustrating. There are so many times, especially when the topic is their relationship, that they just confidently agree, no words exchanged. He wants to end the conversation and stuff his curiosity behind him.

 

“Do you think we could qualify for the secret celebrity Tinder?” Phil says, more lighthearted. He’s relieved when Dan smiles. The smile quickly turns into a thoughtful gaze, and he tilts his head, thinking.

 

Phil quickly leaves the room before Dan can suggest anything else.

  
  


-

  
  


“You should invite Andre, too,” Dan says.

 

They’re on the same couch but reading the same group chat separately, typing out their responses instead of speaking.

 

“I want it to be small, though.”

 

“You think six people is a big birthday party? Really?” Dan gives him a curious look.

 

“I guess. I’ll see if he’s free.”

 

He types out three text messages, angling his phone away from Dan, trying to sound the perfect balance of casual but friendly. He feels strangely nervous and being next to Dan only makes that feel worse. He kind of hopes that Andre rejects him.

 

He’s only just set his phone down and picked up a puzzle piece when his phone lights again.

 

_ yes bday boy as if id miss that!! _

 

Dan is leaning over his shoulder, nudging his side.

 

“Good, it’s a party now,” Dan says. He leans forward until Phil makes eye contact and smiles. It’s strangely purposeful, like a check-in, and Phil doesn’t know what to do but pretend he’s immersed into searching for a puzzle piece, even though his eyes see nothing.

 

His phone lights up again.  _ I cant wait! _

 

Dan squeezes his thigh, pressing hard enough to make Phil twitch.

  
  


-

  
  


Andre isn’t charming in the typical confident and sexy man way that makes you a bit annoyed to like them. He somehow manages to make everyone feel open and included and like they’re having the best time of their life.

 

He’s the only person with a worse fashion sense than Phil, or so Dan always says. He wears Hawaiian shirts in the winter with scratchy plaid over them and faded loose jeans. He has a short dark beard that Phil is sure is only a product of his laziness but he looks good both as a scruffy man and as a clear baby-faced guy. He’s skinny and expressive and a bit flamboyant in a nerdy way that makes him look cute despite the mess that is his being.

 

Phil doesn’t think he can call himself a nerd when he’s seen the epitome of one within Andre. He has some truly impressive chemistry degrees under his belt and facts about just about anything, including more knowledge about open world video games than Dan. It’s easy and addictive to make him laugh even though he’s just about one of the funniest people Phil’s ever met. When someone isn’t having fun he gets up to dance or tell a story just to make them laugh.

 

Phil watches him at his party, thinking about all the stupid things he looks up to in Andre. He’s playing Just Dance and clearly cannot dance but still, Phil finds it so relatable and endearing. He feels like he could hang out with Andre for weeks on end and not lose the elation he gets.

 

The worst thing is when he finds endearing qualities in Andre that Dan doesn’t possess. He feels guilty for loving his thick beard and the hair on his chest. He feels guilty for loving the way Andre never tries to look cool. He feels guilty that he loves Andre’s shorter height and smaller waist and perkier ass. He feels guilty for enjoying the new anecdotes, the new humour and the new excitement. 

 

Andre has given up on trying to get points in this game and just walks his legs clumsily up the wall to do a half handstand and shake his hips. Phil knows he does it to make everyone laugh and it warms his chest. Dan laughs loudly beside him and he selfishly admits to himself that this is a great birthday party with everyone he likes the most here.

 

There’s also guilt for liking things about Andre that he also finds in Dan. He wants to impress Andre, make him laugh and give him support by listening to his deepest thoughts. He likes his doey brown eyes and thick lashes and exuberance. It feels even more like cheating, somehow.

 

When Martyn and Cornelia taxi home and Bryony shuffles to their guest bedroom with the blue patterned sheets, his emotional infidelity feels magnified. He’s quiet for a few minutes, picking at nothing on his jeans so he doesn’t have to look at Dan or Andre.

 

“Are you guys tired? I should probably head out, too,” Andre says, watching Phil carefully. He sets down the console.

 

Phil is already nodding understandably when Dan speaks.

 

“I was thinking we could cuddle up and watch a horror movie? But if you’re tired don’t worry about it.”

 

“Mate, I’m always down for a horror movie,” Andre says, his face lighting up.

 

Phil sits expressionless, trying to ignore the weird vibe. It probably is only him and his weird feelings and the wine clouding his brain.

 

“Shove over,” Dan says, grabbing a blanket. 

 

Phil moves from the edge of the couch closer to Andre, trying not to overthink it in his head.

 

Dan throws the blanket over them. “Come closer, Andre, we can share.” 

 

Both of them move in closer to him, like a compress of warmth. Phil tries to keep his shoulders relaxed.

 

It all feels so deliberate and obvious. It’s confusing, too, because how could Dan go from irrational jealousy to pushing Phil into another person?

 

There is no other reasonable explanation in his mind, not after the conversations they had. His adrenaline feels more spiked than it reasonably should be and the first few minutes of the movie include secret deep breathing.

 

When he feels Andre jump halfway into the movie he laughs but then slides an experimental hand to squeeze his knee. Andre turns towards him with a smile and scoots closer until he’s fully leaning against Phil’s shoulder. Excitement churns in his gut at the reciprocation.

 

Guilt races through his chest just as fast. Dan is right next to him, so close their arms are touching all the way through. Who is he to grab another man beneath a blanket like that? He keeps his arms decidedly to himself, tries not to think about it. He ignores the glances he notices from both sides of him, pretends to watch the movie intently even though he hasn’t listened to a word.

 

An hour later, when they’re all slouched and dazed with exhaustion, peeling themselves off the couch, it feels weird. He gives Andre a hug at the door and tries to ignore how he peers up at Phil with a strange expression. Sad, like he expects something. He crawls into bed with Dan who's already laying silently, a few inches apart so they don’t kick and suffocate each other.

 

It feels like he’s done something wrong. It all feels that much heavier when Dan suddenly rolls over and hugs him from behind with so much force it feels like he’s holding Phil from floating away.

  
  


-

  
  


“You got puppy dog eyes, did you break something?” 

 

Phil peers up at Dan but doesn’t feel like he can control the wideness of his eyes. He gulps back his coffee and shakes his head.

 

“What then?” Dan asks. He looks around Phil’s face, surprisingly fond with still sleepy eyelids.

 

“I…I guess I’m sorry that—well, just being close to Andre while you were there felt a bit weird. I mean, if you hadn’t been there it would have been weird, too,” he says.

 

“I wanted you to do it.”

 

Phil studies his face but it’s so nonchalant that he feels he must be overreacting.

 

“Well...I think I might fancy him a bit. So I just think it wasn’t quite fair to do that without telling you.”

 

“You really think I don’t know you fancy him?” Dan turns on the couch to face him fully.

 

Phil shrugs. But no, he hadn’t thought Dan knew. He kept his distance, always.

 

“I know first hand how you are with people you like, so it's kind of obvious." Dan smiles.." You get nervous and make stupid jokes to always keep their attention. You listen to every word they say like it’s so damn interesting. He was literally telling you the chemical makeup of bleach and you acted like you understood it, for fucks sake. You’re so smiley when you stare at him, okay, I guessed it months ago. And I know why you didn’t want to tell me, but really, you didn’t hide this one well.” 

 

“Oh.”

 

“I talked to Liz about it first. She brought up how it’s unavoidable in long-term relationships and we talked about some solutions. I realized I don’t want to avoid it and I don’t want to make you resent me,” he says.

 

“I would never resent you.”

 

“You might, eventually.”

 

“I never even considered dating him, it wasn’t like that.”

 

“I know you don’t want to leave me. We’re as close to a forever thing as possible. Therefore, I don’t want you to hold back, I want you to explore and be happy and I want us to be healthy. In our lives, we’re going to fall for other people and instead of hiding it in or breaking up, we can embrace it.” Dan stares at him thoughtfully, nodding just slightly. 

 

“That’s why,” Phil breathes out, to himself mostly.

 

“So you get it now?”

 

“Yeah, I think so.”

  
  


-

  
  


“...And like, in the UK, everything  _ but  _ phenethylamine is illegal. Isn’t that crazy?”

 

Phil doesn’t know a single thing to add to a conversation about chemistry other than to just nod and listen.

 

“And, okay, anything is harmful if you have too much of it. You could stuff yourself with apples and soon you’ll gain too much fibre and shit your pants and be unable to absorb minerals. So it’s not that drugs are always safe but we have so much knowledge now and if people just open their minds a little bit, we could find the true potential of the human mind.”

 

Listening to Andre talk with such passion, waving a thick book around, feels like a treasure. Like Phil is the luckiest person to be let into this tiny bedroom with an expensive looking computer set-up among the cheapest and bland belongings otherwise. Scrappy books and paper and ripped posters and a mattress on the floor with twisted, faded sheets.

 

“I wish people could understand as they grow up that nothing is as it seems. We’re all so free and have so much potential and norms are shackles, honestly.”

 

“Come here,” Phil says, putting a hand out. Andre stands quickly, the chair spinning as he pushes it back. He sits in front of Phil on the mattress and innocently passes over the book,  _ PiHKAL _ , as if it’s what Phil wanted.

 

“My dream job is being wholesome Walter White. Well, no, but I would love to get involved with psychotherapy using amphetamines...am I boring you yet, Phil?” He asks with a laugh.

 

Phil shakes his head immediately. “No, really, it’s cool. Not something I ever thought about. My mom would hate you, though.”

 

Andre laughs. “That stings, mate.”

 

“As long as you stay away from cigarettes she may accept you.”

 

Andre falls to the side, laying back on a pillow next to Phil. “Actually, believe it or not, tobacco does have some benefits….”

 

Phil moves to curl up against his side, putting a hand on his stomach. Andre doesn’t finish the sentence and goes silent, freezing up under him.

 

Tentatively, Andre puts a gentle hand on Phil’s shoulder and clears his throat.

 

“You and Dan okay with...cuddling others, huh?” He says, horrendously awkward.

 

“Something like that. Just trying to be more open. Want me to move?”

 

“No, I really don’t.”

 

He can hear Andre’s heartbeat where he lays. It’s fast and loud and mimics his own. Dan gives him deep lurches in his gut and his heart but it’s been a while he’s received such innocent butterflies of nerves.

 

He listens to Andre talk about things he’s never thought about once in his life but now seems like the most interesting thing. It feels exciting, and maybe a little devious, but free.

  
  


-

  
  


He walks gently to not make any noise when he returns home.

 

He tries to hear where Dan is and what he’s doing. He looks around at their belongings. He’s not sure what mood he should return home with, but then Dan turns the corner looking a little worried so he stays passive and quiet, offering a smile.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey,” Dan bites his lip roughly and Phil has the horrible feeling that he has done something wrong, again.

 

Maybe he should have said no. He feels tricked, like Dan pushed him into this thing just to get mad at him after.

 

“What did you guys...do?” Dan asks, moving forward to grab his hands and stand close, looking around his face. He’s leaning into him in a flirty way but Phil can see it’s more for comfort. He’s slouching so much he’s shorter than Phil.

 

“Just cuddled a bit, nothing more,” Phil says, pulling Dan into a hug. He hears Dan let out a heavy breath.

 

They stand there for at least a minute and it reminds Phil of the early days. They’d stay wrapped around each other before leaving because they knew it’d be weeks before touching each other again. It was like they were vacuuming up what they could and memorizing each other.

 

“I’m not backing out, but like, I was so worried he was getting some part of you that I don’t have. Literally fucking sick with jealousy.”

 

“You could have called,” Phil mutters. “And there are no parts of me that you don’t have.”

 

“I know, it doesn’t even make sense. It’s that kind of irrationality that I want to get past. I  _ know  _ I don’t own you, but—fuck. Sometimes I want to. Just hold you hostage, literal ball n’ chain.” He squeezes Phil so tight he can barely breathe for a moment. 

 

Phil nods and Dan pulls back so fast he knocks Phil’s chin.

 

“We’re the primary relationship, yeah? Nothing gets in the way of us,” Dan declares, but he stares at Phil with a question in his eyes. Phil nods through the words until Dan leans forward and bites his lip a bit too hard, pulling him backwards so Phil grunts in pain. 

 

“I get all of you still, yeah?” Dan continues, pulling him back to the couch and onto his lap. Phil hovers over him but falls against him when Dan shoves his hands down the back of his pants and pulls hard.

 

Dan’s voice changes instantly, seductively. “Show me, how much of you I get,” he breathes.

 

Phil keeps nodding against his kiss, moaning just to urge Dan on.

 

-

 

He’s grinding up and down, focusing on the drag along Dan’s cock and on keeping as much consistency as he can with no rhythm. The sex playlist Dan always insists on keeps changing tempo and doesn’t help. Dan seems happy, anyway.

 

Dan focused on him for so long, prodding and rubbing with his fingers inside that he needs a break from the direct contact and he needs to relax a bit and get out of his head. He wants to give Dan some attention. Dan’s eyes are closed and he’s fully immersed, listening and feeling and squeezing at Phil’s skin every once in a while. Dan likes it to last, to get lost in it, no quick indulgences like Phil sometimes wants. He lives for times like this, clears out his whole schedule for it, unlike today that came on satisfyingly spontaneous.

 

It’s so satisfyingly spontaneous that it makes the arousal race through Phil’s mind, but he’s still a bit too much in his head.

 

“Do you,” he starts before realizing he’s been holding his breath and needs to gasp in. Dan looks up at him with interest.

 

“Do you want to sleep with other people?” He asks.

 

“Yeah,” Dan breathes out, like it’s obvious.

 

“I think I want you to, as well.”

 

“Why?” Dan asks, squeezing his eyes shut like he’s a bit overwhelmed. Phil realizes he’s gone a bit sporadic, letting his hips go faster and harder.

 

“I think it’s hot.”

 

“Even if you’re not there?”

 

“Yeah,” Phil breathes in heavily, hating the way his lungs are starting to burn. He thinks he should have left the talking until after he was done physical activity. “Like, knowing you’re being taken care of, getting all that you want. Getting all that makes you satisfied.”

 

“You think I’m a horny fucking bunny, huh?”

 

Phil laughs, choking ever so slightly on his saliva and making Dan look at him and laugh all red-faced.

 

“No, just like, new feelings. New bodies and new kinks," Phil explains.

 

“You like basically all my kinks.”

 

“But everyone’s different.”

 

They’re silent for a bit, Dan keeps thrusting up like he’s trying to keep Phil going.

 

“For some reason I imagine every man to feel just like you and every woman to feel like Ella,” Dan says.

 

“‘Cause you’ve never slept with anyone else.”

 

“Yeah. Is it that much different with different people? Don’t stop moving, you’re getting distracted.”

 

“Worlds. Like losing your virginity again.” Phil tenses his thighs to take away the burn as he picks up the pace.

 

Dan breathes heavily, “huh.”

 

“I kind of—fuck, I’m cramping.”

 

Phil leans forward, grabbing Dan’s shoulders and they roll over clumsily until Dan’s on top. Dan laughs at him and looks angelically happy.

 

“This is better,” Dan mutters, rocking with gusto at once, like he’s showing off.

 

“What I was saying—I kinda find it hot to give you to other people...that sounds weird. But, like, have other people experience how good you are and like...know I still have you. Have other people experience it. See you with someone else, even, ” Phil says, distracted, pausing for breaths every other second. Dan isn't hitting his prostate but the feeling of getting rocked into the bed with nice thoughts through his head is heaven right now.

 

“You think I’m that good?” Dan asks, not much able to contain the pride on his face.

 

“Yeah, amazing. And you’re so hot, Dan, they’d be so lucky,” Phil gasps, reaching up and pulling Dan down by his neck and scratching, to get Dan’s weight on him while they move against the bed together. He’s somewhat aware that the pillow they shoved behind the headboard has fallen and there’s an annoying banging that will probably get them another noise complaint. The thought is kind of nice, to think that their neighbours know. That even complete strangers know they’re partners in life.

 

Dan moans into his ear, dramatic and loud. “Yes, fuck, we will. Be quiet now, though, let me focus.”

 

Phil nods, breathing in a desperate gasp of air.

 

-

 

“How about, ‘the most fun with a depressed bitch you’ve ever had’?”

 

“Why do all these descriptions have to be about your depression?”

 

“Maybe I want a sad bitch who cries after sex.”

 

“I’ve done that.”

 

Dan pats Phil’s shoulder. “Never forget you have everything I’ve ever wanted,” he jokes, going back to tap at his phone.

 

“Okay, in an open relationship. I am twenty-nine, 6’0”, a white bitch, uhh, 150 lb, is that believable?”

 

“You really are trying to catfish someone?” Phil asks.

 

“It’s protection. Stans know more about me than I do. No picture. Should I say I’m vers? Okay, I will.”

 

Dan is silent for a few seconds and Phil happily puts all of his attention into Riverdale. He’s partially trying to figure out how he feels about all of this but the jealousy still isn’t coming. It feels more like he's discovered a new kink, if he's honest.

 

“This dude says no blacks, no Asians and no femmes. Is race a fucking preference? Prick.” Dan mumbles, shaking his head in disdain. “And this guy is not in my age limit, no fucking way.”

 

Phil peeks over at his screen curiously, seeing shirtless photos flipping through. He smiles amusedly. 


End file.
